‘It’s a challenging climate we live in these days.’
‘Certainly not as easy to make money as it used to be.’
Ever so serious are these poor business bods, and I’ve only just served their starter. Come now gentlemen, you have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. Oh! The places you’ll go! Direct, in my case, to table four who would like just one more perusal of the dessert menu if I would so kindly oblige.
‘So, that is just one Tarte au Citron, and the Clafoutis Aux Prunes to share. Is that all for you this afternoon, ladies?’
It is; and thank goodness because I am tired, so tired, and my shift finishes in just twenty-six minutes. Oh and my darling, no, I can’t stay for an extra hour to help you iron tablecloths because I just do not want to. I have a silver link necklace to finish and post out this evening that promises some decent exposure and a glowing review. The client always comes first. My clients, I mean, not yours.
Jeannie Barlent, twenty-six, self-employed fine art silversmith - and also long-term short-skirted waitress for posh nosh eating establishment on Jayde Street, SW10. No, I haven’t yet secured a bijoux central London premises, and yes, Grandmama, I do think that ‘the internet selling thing’ might in fact take off. Eighteen orders last month, to be precise. Twelve through promoted Instagram posts and 126 new followers. But the crème de la crème was the local artisan market where my stall attracted considerable interest, and no fewer than fourteen business cards were taken. Six people bought jewellery and, after costs, I made nearly One Hundred Great British Pounds. It was cold, yes, but I got four bracelets hammered whilst I sat there, and people always like to see the artiste in action.
‘Another bottle of the same, sir? Of course, I’ll bring that out for you now.’
Two hundred and forty-five pounds a bottle, this Cristal. That’s eight rings and five bracelets, without gift wrapping. What a terrible waste when they’re wasted. I do like his watch design though: a diamond affair. Not the jewel, the pattern. It might be something I could work into my new men’s designs. Small scale, perhaps printed on a ring. There’s something about a diamond as opposed to a square. Shows innovation. Pizazz. Did you know that people who use Chrome are more successful than people who use Safari or Internet Explorer? It’s nothing to do with the capabilities of their browser. It’s because these are the people took a moment to consider the alternative options and made an informed, conscious decision rather than letting their default search engine just ‘happen to them’. I personally use Ecosia. It plants trees whilst you search, which I think is quite nice.
It’s hot when I reach my studio. Don’t you dare call it a cupboard or I’ll spike you with my soldering poker. The pickling solution has gone off so I re-mix a new batch of my own chemical free blend – vinegar and salt, that’s all it is. I could bottle the stuff and sell it as ‘natural jewellery shiner’ because people will buy anything if it’s put in front of them in nice enough packaging. Now don’t tell me I haven’t got a business brain.
Mrs Annadale’s ring and bracelet set is almost complete. It’s a very sweet idea; a hammered ring for her little finger, and matching strip bracelets for her two young daughters. They’ll only be allowed to wear them on special occasions, I’ve been assured. I’m not sure my mother would have trusted me with real silver before the age of ten. Or twenty, for that matter. Still, I might market the idea as a package bundle – something to tug at the heartstrings. A sentimental memento to keep the family together; it’s a much subtler approach than real shackles and chains. I do hope it works for them.
My dear friend Sophie is coming round for a drink this evening and says she’ll bring her camera, to get some decent product shots for me.
‘It adds variety to my portfolio’ she says, ‘I’m happy to do you a complimentary shoot.’
I’ve seen her portfolio and know that the currency of this transaction is based purely on pity and wine. Still, a share on her social media could generate a new influx of followers and possibly convert to sales. I put the good rosé in the fridge and polish two glasses: an old industry habit.
By eight, I’ve set up the lighting in the kitchen and laid out my best pieces on some fabric samples I picked up at the weekend. ‘On brand’ because they’re a delicate mixture of rough hemp and black velvet. Rustic, but classy. Is that a thing? Sophie arrives with a gorgeous model in tow and re-arranges the whole display. The model is Karina, a floaty redhead from Bath with exceptionally well-formed fingers and a long, elegant neck. The pictures load straight to Soph’s laptop and oh my goodness they do look wonderful, even before editing.
‘You’re an absolute star, thank you so much’ I gush.
‘Oh, no problemo my lovely, the products sell themselves, honestly they are just stunning.’
How nice of her to say! Karina has to head off and I thank her for coming over, dispatching her into the night with a threaded toe ring and a stash of glossy business cards. I wonder if she was paid for her evening’s work.
Soph and I curl onto the sofa and her ‘professional photographer’ voice begins to soften. We brainstorm the practicalities of various sales outlets, but after a while I can tell that she’s lost interest. Changing the subject, she tells me about Mark’s brother being a nightmare and how her latest client left her with nearly three hundred pounds worth of MAC makeup.
‘It was like she was hinting at something, you know! I’m the one behind the camera, not in front of it. So rude!’
I sympathise with her, I really do. It must be so hard being gifted expensive cosmetics by your high-flying celebrity clients. I try not to be too cynical, and join in with my own tales about the hardships of unwanted offerings. A father-and-son lunch the other day, and the younger chap slips a twenty into my back pocket whilst I’m clearing the table! Imagine touching a waitress’s bum in front of your Dad. I might have expected it from the older gentleman, but this chap was in his twenties. Still, I’ve made a mental note to wear more skirts with an obvious back pocket from now on. Is that bad?
We chat until two in the morning, before I put Soph into a taxi and she promises to send over the pictures in the morning. I tell her no rush, and climb into bed to watch silversmith tutorials on YouTube. A true entrepreneur never stops learning. Where do I get these pretentious phrases? Probably an Instagram caption. I’ll double tap, just in case someone sees my brand name and wants to offer me an enormous commission or something. That would be lovely.